Maybe I could more accurately call this blog topic: “how to successfully ROCK at being a STEPMOM without pulling your hair out”
*While there may STILL be some of that, hopefully these tips will help you get off to the right start (or even if you’re a few years in, get you back on track), & bring some ease and much needed PEACE to your family.
While I’ve only been a step mama myself for 2.5 years, some of the extremes in which I’ve done so has fast tracked me some really important & useful experiential knowledge I’d love to share with you.
When I first became a step mama to my bonus daughter Billie in 2019, I…
–Had NEVER met her. Her dad & I dated long distance through FaceTime after meeting at a mutual friend’s wedding. He & I got married 3 months later in the States, and I only met her AFTER I had married her dad & immigrated to her country.
-Didn’t speak her language. I actually still struggle with her native language, Dutch, but I am MUCH better than where I as 2 years ago. She still doesn’t speak my language, English, but she understands about 80% of what I say.
And then in 2020, shortly after the CoVid pandemic shut most of our country down, and I gave birth to her little brother, she moved in with us full time.
All of a sudden I found myself, a new mom, in a foreign country, becoming a more present motherly-figure to my pre-teen step daughter, who’s language I didn’t speak – during a world-wide pandemic. WTF? Even I NEED to re-read that.
Talk about feeling UNPREPARED and just OVERWHELMED!
However, here we are, a year later, in our little family, we are THRIVING! In order for us to get here though, there were some principles & strategies I had to put in place & my TOP 3 are below…
1- Acknowledge & OWN it that you are a parent from DAY 1
*No, step parenting is not the same as being a biological parent. It’s different. I can say that now after having my own baby boy. However, that doesn’t mean you’re NOT a parent. In fact, step parenting is arguably MORE of a challenge because you don’t get to “grow” into it & the kids don’t AUTOMATICALLY love
2- Discover your own PARENTING STYLE & come together with your spouse
*”Know thyself” is something we believe in & teach our clients here at The Cleymans –The better you know yourself, the better step parent & spouse you will be. Discover which parenting style naturally aligns with your values & beliefs & then communicate that to your spouse. Discover what his/hers is too & come up with a way moving forward as a team
(I know – this can be a very challenging step as parenting is very personal & everyone has their own beliefs on raising kids & discipling them. This is why it’s IMPERATIVE for you & your spouse to come together as a TEAM. If you struggle in this area, book a call with us below & we will see how we can help you)
3- Figure out your role with your spouse & communicate that to the kids together
*It can be hard when joining 2 families to know what role you, as the step mom, play as a parental figure. Every family is different & has different dynamics in play. Come together with your spouse & decide what you’re BOTH comfortable with & then communicate those expectations to the children together AS A TEAM
-How to come together with your spouse on parenting style & disciplinary differences
-What to do & how to handle a highly combative bio parent
-How to discover & communicate your role as a parent in your house
We have limited spots available for our group coaching class starting in May!
Chey (and Kim)