Is It What We Say Or How We Say It?

“You’re just NOT LISTENING to me.”

OUCH. How did you hear that in your head?

Was this statement said with…

Anger?

Frustration?

Contempt?

Hopelessness?

Kindness?

Perhaps you have heard it the way it’s been said to you before, because, YES…chances are if you’re married and reading this blog post, you’ve had that sentence above said to you before.

However, we all know, whether subconsciously or consciously, it’s not often WHAT we say, but HOW we say it, that matters most. Especially, to those we love most.

Research shows that, in fact, non-verbal communication (the actions, movement, tones, inflections of voice & etc) that accompany our words is far more impactful than the words themselves.

In what ways do you communicate your thoughts & feelings to your spouse?

Do you wait until the last minute & your bursting out in anger, fear or tears?

Or do you collect your thoughts & approach your spouse in an appropriate time to get some real good conversations going?

Sometimes, it isn’t ourselves that makes the mistake in communication, but our spouse.

In these moments, where we can’t change how they said what’s on their mind or heart, we CAN choose how we react to it.

Take a moment, to take a breathe, and really aim to hear and listen to the words your spouse is saying – no matter the tone behind it.

Your spouse bringing up challenging things that are on their hearts is a GOOD sign. It shows that they care enough to be open and want to seek to repair what is broken or damaged.

The next time you find yourself with your spouse with an opportunity for good, healthy communication, be sure to be mindful of your tone, inflections and body language.

Do these things, practice these things and watch your intimacy grow and flourish.

-Cheyanne Cleyman